Essays ^^ posting and proof-reading

ark

Active Member
Để phát triển box English :O) ngoài topic IELTS task 2 của ông Huy Đức, đây sẽ là chỗ để mọi người post bài essay (tùy chọn) của mình để sửa lỗi %-( và ... học tập :-B
An end-term assignment: a comparison and contrast essay about high schools in VN and US​
.

Let me start w/ my end-term assignment 8-| a comparison n contrast essay :-?? about high schools in VN and US.

Year by year there have been more and more students from all around the world applying for United States universities. The student exchange programs, which have the “aim of helping to increase the participants' understanding and tolerance of the other cultures, as well as improving their language skills and broadening their social horizons” (1), have been raising popularities among international students, particularly Vietnamese applicants. But why are hundreds of Vietnamese high school students aiming for the American high school each year? Are there any major differences between the two high school education systems? Clarification of the differences between the two in terms of school subjects, teaching-learning method, testing system, material facilities and extracurricular activities has been made.

First of all, Vietnamese high school subjects are quite different from the American ones. Vietnamese education always offers comprehensive studies and high school education is not the exception. Consequently, there is a large number of compulsory subjects, which is equal to about 11 subjects, namely Mathematics, Physics, Chemistry, Literature, History, Geography, Biology, Civic education, Agriculture technology, Engineering technology, Gymnastics. But there is a serious lack of extra optional subjects. On the contrast, in US, high school often provides students with specialized courses, as there are usually a small number of obligatory academic disciplines, ranged from 4 to 6 subjects which are mandatory to every student. Furthermore, many interesting non-grade subjects are advanced such as astronomy, archaeology, psychology, etc.

On the other hand, there are significant differences between Vietnamese and American teaching-learning method. Vietnamese scholars were content with passive teaching and cyborg-like learning manner, and the situation has not changed much until now. The procedures in almost every class are quite the same: The teacher reads, the students unfailingly write down and learn by heart the notes. The teaching-learning process resembles the massive production in factories where knowledge is reproduced and stuffed into the students’ heads. Conversely, American high schools are well-known for their active and creative teaching and learning style. Students are the main players in class at any time. Many questions are asked, few notes are taken, but plenty of knowledge is obtained. Quiz and interesting questions are often given by teacher, and smart answers can be added up in the Grade point average (GPA) at the end of the semester, which encourages concentration and contribution of students in class.

In addition, the testing system differs from Vietnam high schools to American high school. In Vietnam, students have to sit many tests: oral test, pop quiz, 15-minute-test, practical test, mid-term test and full-period test. Homework is not highly appreciated and not graded. In recent years, there have been Multiple-choice questions in English tests, but the majority of the tests are in Essay-question type. In the meantime, US students have to pass only 2 main tests, and the Tests are mainly in Multiple-choice questions. Homework makes up significantly the grades.

Besides, material facilities are an important factor that builds up the differences between the two systems. “Study never goes without practicing” - as the Vietnamese saying goes, but Vietnamese students hardly have many chances to practice what they have learnt in school since the deficiency in necessary equipment is in a critical condition. Science subjects such as Mathematics, Physics and Chemist are memorized in text and tested in calculation, barely without practical usage in real life. Experiments frequently occur in imagination, regardless of the gulf between theory and practice. Contrariwise, in the United States, the majority of high schools often hold sufficient instruments for students. For example, in Vietnam, only insignificant minority of high schools have internet access whereas almost every high school in the United States has rooms and laboratories with broadband Internet connection provided for students to study, to do research or also to enjoy media entertainment. In addition, American highschooler can also enjoy modern conveniences like huge sports field, swimming pools, etc.

Moreover, is it the extracurricular activities that make American high schools different considerably from Vietnamese high schools. Vietnamese students are often put in too much pressure while studying for the University entrance examination. Thus, they do not have time and permission to do any thing that is considered not to be related to the University exams. It is obvious that the passive learning mode results in reducing students’ desire for discovery of the world and people around them. School clubs are run desultorily and seasonally, mainly in the summer vacation. Many schools do not even have any official club.

Meanwhile, American students are allowed and encouraged to take part in off-study activities. They have variety of clubs in choice to participate in, for instance scouting, sport clubs, dancing club, gamer club, etc. Many competitions are held in order to enhance club activities, such as “Band camp” for the Scout, school league for football clubs, Robot making contest for Physics club, etc. American students also join many useful activities like cleaning up the street, aiding the handicapped children, participating in United Nation AIDS meeting. Students are exposed to meaningful and significant community activities regularly.

In conclusion, the two high school education systems vary in fields of school subjects, teaching-learning method, testing system, material facilities and extracurricular activities, which lead to remarkable differences in students of the two countries. While Vietnamese students tend to excel at theory, they occasionally have no eye for practical usage of the knowledge they gain at school. Surprisingly, a Physics-major student does not even know how to set up a simple electric circuit. But for American students, they do not have such immense knowledge, but they know the gulf between theory and practice, between books and real life.
 

HaThu

Member
Cho em nối gót với, bài này làm lâu lắm rồi

Presentation :Vietnamese literature

Vietnam is known to be a country which has a long standing history. Vietnamese literature was developed at an early date and became one intergral part in Vietnamese's daily life. Several centuries have passed with a lot of difficulties but Vietnamese literature alway developes and preserves its national character. From using Han script ( classical Chinese) in the old days, Vietnamese literature had its own languague - Vietnamese script and during many developed periods, its has had a lot of great writers and valuable writings.Vietnamese literature is really a great pride of those who are Vietnamese.
The major compositions of Vietnamese literature
Vietnamese literature includes two major component which have developed simultaneously. They're folk literature and writen litrerature
Folk literature : such as fairy tales, legends, cock-an-bull stories, classical dramas, traditional operettas...especially Vietnamese folk songs and proverb. This is a special part of Vietnamese literature which came into being very early and had a profound effect on the spiritual lives of Viets. The authors of folk- songs were the poor working population who were always busy and strenuous with their agricultural work. They wrote folk-songs to retain their experiences of farm work or to told about their social relationship. If you have ever read Vietnamese folk-songs, you must have realized that there are a lot of texts which tell about love: love for work, love for country, villages and hamlets and besides that, there are also many texts about melancholy and sufferings. Vietnamese farmers' life was very difficult so they put their complaints about poverty in folk-songs, about feudal oppression, ungrateful life and about their beautiful loves but were strictly forbidden by severe feudalistic custom. For this reason, folk-songs reflect completely, Vietnamese spirits : although they met with many difficulties but remained optimistic.
Written literature : This part was writen by intellectual circles. It came into being, officially, in about the 10th century. The appearence of written literature created a rich Vietnamese literature developing process. This main part is the face of Vietnamese literature. From the 10th to the 15th century, literary works were written in Han (classical Chinese) and Chu Nom. In the 20's, the country's literature was written in Vietnamese Quoc Ngu (Romanized national language). This is a langugue which completely belongs to the Vietnamese. For this reason, it was responsible for a very successful period in Vietnamese literature history.

Periods of Vietnamese literature development
Viet Nam is known to be a coutry which has a eventful history and literature was also cemented by this history. Vietnamese written literature history from th10th century to 1975 could be divided into 3 periods:
The first phase: (from the 10th century to the end of 19th century): Vietnamese literature developed under the feudal system. From the 10th to the 15th century, the feudal class had a positive role. Most of the literary works were created to show the beautiful patriotism. But entering the 16th, 17th and 18th century, the feudal system began to break down and Vietnamese's life became poor and hard. The country was partitioned. Literature expressed the dissatisfaction with the feudal court, beside that, it heightened people who had a secluded life from the world and had noble soul. Typical writers were Nguyen Trai and Nguyen Binh Khiem. In 19th century, Vietnamese literature developed plentifully, a lot of great writers appeared, such as Nguyen Du, Ho Xuan Huong - "the queen of Nom poets", Nguyen Cong Tru, Nguyen Dinh Chieu...Their works talked about humanitarianism, criticized evil substance of the declining feudal system and especially heightened women's rights to live in a society, which had been deeply male chauvinism.
The turning point of Vietnamese literature history is in year 1858 when French invaded Vietnam. Vietnam was going into the transitional period with many different cultures. Literature was both criticized, depraved, and reflected Vietnamese struggle for independence.

The second phase (from early 20th century to August revolution 1945)
During this period, Vietnamese literature was flourishing. Though just half of one century, it had a lot of great achievements and it developed so fast that one year could be compared with thirty years in other periods. Vietnamese Quoc Ngu (Romanized national language) came into being and quickly became the popular languague of Vietnamese. New imported culture modernized Vietnamese literature and added much more new literary genre such as plays, notes, literature criticism and report...Especially, in year 1932, the " New poet" movement which appeared with freshness and youthfulness, carried out a revolution in the Vietnamese literary world. So many tendencies, such as romanticism, realism occured and made the literature forum so heated. Writings also represented strong aspirations of Vietnamese to have a free life and an independent country.

The third phase ( from August revolution 1945 to year 1975 )
Immediately after the August revolution suceeded, Vietnam had to face the American empire. Since then, the direction of Vietnamese literature has been decided by Vietnamese Communist Party. Writings that were completely directed toward the national liberation war, sang the praises of army heroes and their love for comrade and country. Most of the writings contained gratefulness for the country and the socialist regime. The writers who appeared before the August revolution kept in working and had many valuable works. Beside that, a lot of new writers surfaced and Vietnamese literature completely reached its peak.

The special traditional characteristics of Vietnamese literature
Vietnamese letters history is just the history of Vietnamese spiritual life. I think patriotism and pride of a nation are the most outstanding characteristics in the Vietnamese soul. So Vietnamese literature has always contained patriotism and it could shown in many ways. It may be the love for a concrete local or may be the sadness when country was reduced to slavery. It could also be the simple love for the mother tongue.
Vietnamese patriotism goes with humanity at any time. A country which has always had to fight to keep its independence, but the literature has represented much more about charity, justice, love and about womens plight in unfair society. Almost all Vietnamese great writers such as Nguyen Trai, Nguyen Du, Ho Chi Minh are humanists.
Beside that, living in an agricultural country, Vietnamese are very close to nature. Therefore, literary works always contained national lanscape, manners and customs such as the works of Nguyen Trai, Nguyen Khuyen, Tan Da and Nguyen Tuan...
Vietnamese literature was always pleased to accept every different culture all over the world even though they were sent by our enemies, but national literature often progressed all of them, based on its own cultural foundation
A lot of difficulties and catastrophes have occured but Vietnamese literature also has been existing enduringly. Many times, enemies wanted to wipe out and assimilate Vietnamese cultural literature but it always developed strongly with its own characters
 

dangngochuy

Member
God, you guys are so diligent. I'm appalled and admire your assiduousness but still, there's something i want to make a remark on :D.

About bro.Ánh's essay: Your thesis is exceptionally clear with a comparision essay. However, it was a bit humdrum for it includes a much-anticipated cliché structure like: First of all; Second of all.... Just feel a little bit bored reading those sentences in every single essay. The essay itself also comprises of surplus run-on sentence which can be easily eradicated by inserting adequate semicolon or dot.

And sis. Thư's essay: My first impression on your work bears the resemble to that when I was translating some paragraph in the "Dưới bóng hoàng lan" story to English (i didn't do it deliberately or on any purpose; just for some fun :D). My point is your essay has too much phrases and expression that will readily lead the readers to the inclination that you're translating word-by-word from your mother-tongue to English. My suggestion: You should throw away all the textbook and statistic or whatever and recall those cognizance by yourself; write with your preference and perspective. Although this is a research paper, you're writing it and it gotta have your own voice in it. Don't suddenly arouse the readers at the end of the essay by the "I" word but disperse a little (just a little) sense of personal notion in each and every paragraph, okie.

Please accept my most profound apologies if i've made some harsh comment here. My writing sucks in the truest definition of the word. And i'm frequently got screwed up in storms of condemnation about my word usage;so please don't take my words seriously, okie.
 

HaThu

Member
D you know why? I must prepare for a presentation before the whole class and our teacher. We had to present our topic without any papers :(. I just drew the main idea, if you want st funny, it depended on speaking stu :)
Any way, u seems to be a good critic ;;) , Thanks for contributing ur idea, lookin' forward to your essay :) :)
 

Volodia

Member
Erm, I have just read Ark's essay.
I don't have much knowledge about writing essay but I think it's better if you made it a 5 paragraph essay!
I don't know the reason why you separate paragraph 4 and 5. I think both of them belong to only one paragraph.
Anyway, it's just my opinion and it's a good essay.
Thanks you for your contribution! :)
 

una-rapina

Moderator
-Hey, I appreciate Nhat ANh's contribution for my club.:)
To be easy to follow the essays of everyone here, we should make several categories like : assignment essays, application essays, or literary essays.
When you post your essays, you must make notes of the topic and the purpose of the essay.
-I myself admire Thư for her essay because she does not come from an English specialized class! :).
 

dangngochuy

Member
Yeah, bro.Ánh rocks \:D/!

@Thư: Are you kidding :O? You mean you guys had to memorize that freakin' long essay and present it in front of your whole class :-s. That's more like a modern method of torturing mischievous kids to me ( it's not that you're bad or sth; just means that if that was really a punishment, then i were one of those naughty boys :">).

About the essay thing, frankly speaking, I don't have any staggering achievements like you guys to divulge to the public #-o. Laziness is my inherent virtue thus governing my daily life with hours of chatting and watching TV :">. Don't have much time for composing essays and if i could really sprare some free mintunes for writing, it wouldn't even be half as good as you and bro.Ánh's (I mean it in every word, no flattery or sarcasm). However, I'll check my library and see if there's anything amusing for you guys to entertain and laugh at :D.
 

dangngochuy

Member
This topic is abandoned +.+? How strangely disappointing! Okie, in order to arouse the studying spirit ( "tinh thần học tập", is that it?) in our box, and to satisfy those who want to seek vengeance for my arrogance (some may think) or for my stupidity and illiteracy (some may believe) I've decided to post 2 of my essays from 2 different period :D.

It's exceedingly unusual of me exposing my banal essays to the public but since I'm in quite a mood over hearing a stirring opportunity for me, I think it's a best time to share something to our community :).

This is a TWE-type essay that I picked arbitrarily. It was written 8 months ago. Everyone, feel free to express your opinion. I'm so acquainted with harsh comments already :D.

Topic: Nowadays, food production has developed. Has this change improved the way people live? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.


Essay:
Many years ago, when planting and breeding was still big problems, the life of human was inevitably difficult, especially for the Poor. But now, when food has become easier to prepare, our lives has changed significantly.

First of all, the development of the food industry has almost solved the crisis puzzle for food in many countries. Twenty years ago, there were so many people desperately finding for food everywhere. They even searched in the garbage can to find something to satisfy their hungrer. Those days is now over, there are still hungry people on the street but most of mankind are luckily living in prosperous.

Second of all, the varieties of food nowadays offer people everthing they need for their life and work. Many years ago, food didn't contain enough nutrients for a person to fully grow. But now, a baby can be raised with everything it needs to become a heathy person. Moreover, food provides

Third of all, food development doesn't merely influence, it offers people a perspective of jobs for the many people. In my country, most of the people are farmers. Hence, the improvement in food production gives these farmers their new chances and jobs to earn money for their living.

In conclusion, I believe the development of food has greatly improved people's life in diversity ways.

My own comments:
- Incoherent, shallow, irrelevant samples.
- Probably will receive a 2 =))
 

dangngochuy

Member
This is the one and only SAT-type essay that I've ever composed :D. Written 2 months ago. Since then, I've yet to won my procrastination and get to write any other TWE or SAT :((.

Prompt: Carefully consider the following statement, and then write your essay as directed.

"No progress is possible without sacrifice."

Write an essay that discusses this statement. You may use illustrations from history, literature, current events, or your own experience or personal observation. Write your essay on paper then, after your 25 minutes are up, stop, and type it in.


Essay:

Improvement, in its most manifest sense, reflects the reciprocal contribution of every elements, every aspects involved. The world has witnessed an enormous amount of stories and facts embracing that assertion. Therefore if there is a progress to create, there is sacrifice to give.

Indisputably, progress does not fortuitously emerges if nothing is given. Realistically, many people hold the inclination to reserve themselves from sacrifice their property, belongings just for some potential changes. As they conserve their entities, nothing could instigate a change, possibly a progress that would cultivate the whole assiduous work. In the economy system, if a country is bellicose in preserving its own market and prohibit the intervention of other countries, it will likely to lose prodigious opportunities in the wide open world which is rapidly becoming flatter nowadays. On the contrary, if that country consents to open its market to the whole world and voluntarily integrates with its neighborhood, it will probably have to sacrifice the advantage of one simple market policy but the impending benefit will outweigh any of that discouragement. A colossal number of companies and foreign products will commence pouring down on that country’s market thus offers residents more options when it comes to purchase any necessary goods. That country’s economy and other countries’ will mingle with each other in a massive wakening of globalization. The outcome is the forming of a widely market which intensify every member’s economic system.

Not only in reality does this lesson works but also in fictional world, specifically in The Lord of the Rings Trilogy by J.R.Tolkien. In the story, Frodo Baggins, a Hobbit, was chosen to undergo the onerous task of destroying the ring of dark lord Sauron who intended to utilize this ring to rule the Middle Earth, i.e. the world on the surface of the earth. Frodo had to sacrifice his ordinary but joyful life to embark on an exceedingly harsh and hazardous journey which will eventually cause him to suffer agonizingly both physical and mental. However, his brave sacrifice had brought peace and happiness to all the people of Middle Earth. Without it, Sauron, the dark lord, would not be utterly vanquished and still dominated imperatively the whole world.

Without sacrifice, things will incessantly remain the same way and never amend. Personally, I have encountered a circumstance in which without sacrifice, I will be likely to taste bitter fiasco pervading in every part of my soul. It was when I participate in a web-designing contest. The designing was an extremely sophisticated process that I did not think I could accomplish the mission. Yet, after my parent’s encouragement, I started sparing my time and effort in the designing. It deprived of me so much time and aspiration than I could ever predict but it was worth it. Ultimately, my own website is gradually molded into a completely intricate and rigorous piece of art and won the first prize. Without the sacrifice of time and effort, I would have never even finished just a main page of a websites. It was a fair trade.

All of these stories have led me to one crucial lesson in life. If progress is in sight, there is definitely a sacrifice that has been presented previously. Therefore, no resounding victory will be waiting for us if we do not voluntarily sacrifice something of our own.

My own comments:
- Dull samples, not strong back-up, type and quite a haste so there's probably blunders.

I've received a artificial grader comments and scores but I would rather hear from you guys.
 

Pirate

Member
omg @-) toàn "cao thủ" @-)...my writing skills r so terrible :(( how could I make long essays like these ? :-S ...once again...literature is always the most dangerous , boring and "impossible" subject with me :-S:-SS...
 

una-rapina

Moderator
"Dear XXX,

For a week, I have chosen you to be my friends, your house to be my home in my coming years. Sincerely, I have tried to remind myself that I am proud to have the relation with you. Sincerely, my parents have a confidence that you could be my best friends in the future and they are wholeheartly supporting me to go to your house. And sincerely, I am preparing with my best...

Do you ever know the feeling as a friend you really esteem stops your life with his sword smoothly and quikly? You don't know but I know.

Do you ever know the feeling as a friend puts you through the heaven and suddenly he puts you through the hell smoothly and quickly? You don't know but I know.

Do you ever know the feeling as you realize that you got a misconception about someone you really respect? You don't know but I know.

And finally, Do you ever know the feeling as you really really really want to KILL SOME ONE? You should not know but I know.

Now and again, I have nothing: no new friends, no old friends, no future, no money.You have given me a big lesson that perhaps I will never forget: esteeming someone doesn't mean believing too much in them.

I wish you a bad Valentine day.

Bad regards,

Bonne' T "

It's mine. If anyone wants to send something to adcoms, ask me to send this post
Don't dissect :p. Just wanna post something
 

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